I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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