Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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