like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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