and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
