I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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