i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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