she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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