no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
sarcasm needs its own font
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
