How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
