Your dad touched me again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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