I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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