Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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