All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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