i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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