I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
two words: eviction party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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