she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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