With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
