so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
