swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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