She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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