apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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