Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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