Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
