I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
