smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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