This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
