need another drink. this is the easiest way
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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