My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
bring money and cleavage
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
