Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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