My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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