Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
