I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She bit a glass in half.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
