Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
