ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
