Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
