Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
