I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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