it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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