Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My balls are so social today.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
