today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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