2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
