I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
