Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
