You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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