Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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