i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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