Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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