she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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