I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think your dad took our porno
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
