The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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