the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
