He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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