piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
