The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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