just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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