you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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