saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
