It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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