You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize