Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
