i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
