I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
